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Nicely done, Random_Speak:

“Like Picasso, the genius behind this masterpiece was not afraid to explore the limits of sensuality. The beautiful model, while sadly lacking an arm and breasts, still manages to send an erotic come-hither glance to the powerful unicorn, whose horn is clearly erect. Not even Hugh Hefner could have thought of such an incredibly carnal and seductive image to titillate the viewer. I hope no one’s too hot and bothered!”

Right now, for the first time ever, I can say:

I did all (or an appropriate amount) of my work today, my room is clean (and stuffed with washed clothing), and now I’m going to the gym before making (or, at least, assembling) dinner from stuff in the fridge.

Guess the ever-stern collectors at Midnight Crossroads LLC will be calling soon.

1. I started thinking/saying aloud (like ya do, when you’re alone a lot), “I wish the cat could ta-…” but stopped myself from uttering it completely, just to avoid the possibility of my wish coming true, and with it the discovery that he’s boring/disgusted with me.

2. We all know you’re supposed to wait ten seconds because plugging the router back in after ‘rebooting it’ when the internet cuts out. But has anyone really tested this?

Is it like over-the-counter meds, where the recommended dose/maximum daily one is, like, a ninth of what’d kill you*? If you only unplugged it for four seconds… would it work?

Update: just had to try rebooting again; waited, like, 4 seconds. Didn’t work, and was absolutely too lazy (and just ready to move on) to experiment further, and so decided to immediately give up and re-adopt the 10-second doctrine.

In short, I guess I demonstrated why some people are reluctant to swap in religion for science. [In fairness, I had a darned lot of fun/free time as a lit student, and the science kids were always busy; lab work seems to take foreeeeeever.]

*don’t, um, ever quote me on  that. I did hear it, though

i know i’ll get court-martial-ed for this, but i want someone to share my joy about:

A. how “screw you, we’re using your tax dollars elsewhere, you’ll read this and like it”-bare bones the website for Plan X — a groundbreaking, sci-fi-ish cyberscapes project of the defense department’s advanced research wing — is, and

B. the questions on the project’s FAQ list (the pdf download is worth it)

tease: first FAQ (they’re listed in reverse order)

Q1. For pricing purposes, can you define the anticipated start date for each of the Technical Areas?

A1. For proposal pricing purposes, assume a program starting timeframe 120 days from the closing date.

What the gravel-swilling Pandora ad guy said:

“The Foo Fighters are back. And they’re coming to a city a near you.”

My unthinking reaction:

(1913, Cheltenham Township High School gymnasium; light refreshments are being served; “When Irish Eyes Are Smiling” plays in the background)

EP’s HSG: Ezra! Hey. Hi. I wondered if I’d see you tonight. Has it already been ten years? My goodness. How’s your new renaissance going? I know I must look a fright — I married Jim Brady and we just had our second son, and since Jim’s been bedridden from a tetanus infection he picked up at the cannery, I’ve had to take on extra work as a seamstress in the evenings so we can buy coal. Sometimes we can, anyway. I made this dress myself with whatever leftover fabric I could scrounge together, ha. Do you like it?

EP: Make it new.

HSG: Oh, I… I did make it new, I mean, I made it myself. I guess the fabric’s pretty old. So, life’s pretty good, then, generally speaking?

EP: Go in fear of abstraction.

HSG: Um.

(scene ends)

(1943, Cheltenham Township High School gymnasium; light refreshments are being served; “Stormy Weather” plays in the background)

HSG: Ezra. Right. Hi. I hear you’ve been… busy.

EP: I do not want my compatriots from the ages of 20 to 40 to go get slaughtered to keep up the Sassoon and other British Jew rackets in Singapore and in Shanghai.

HSG: (pause) Let’s not do this, Ezra.

EP: You let in the Jew and the Jew rotted your empire, and you yourselves out-jewed the Jew.

HSG: Goodbye, Ezra.

EP: (yelling after her) They’re working day and night, picking your pockets. Every day and all day and all night picking your pockets and picking the Russian working man’s pockets.

(gymnasium door clicks shut; scene ends)